Phase One

Alright kiddos, I had a bilateral breast reduction surgery on Friday, January 27th. There has been a lot of build up leading to my surgery because this is something I have wanted for quite awhile. I wanted to post something the night before surgery but I was really anxious and excited and the words weren't coming out right at all. I figured I would be better articulating my thoughts and emotions after the procedure was done, after the anticipation, after the pain meds wore off. You can catch up with the pre surgery stuff in earlier posts.

The night before surgery I had to fast, which is probably my least favorite part of surgery. Seriously. I love to eat and I NEED my morning coffee. I ate a pretty substantial dinner, put the kids to bed, checked on some last minute things for the kids. I had to remove any and all piercings (I have a few in my ears) and remove any nail polish. I was exhausted and went to bed on the earlier side. I woke up and P and I got the kids ready for school. I took a shower and washed my hair knowing that it could be quite a few days before I would be able to wash it again. I did one last big poop and knowing that it would be the last one for few days, I savored it. Yes, I savored dropping a deuce.

I needed to be at the hospital by 10 am to prep for surgery that was scheduled at noon. We headed into MGH and for once we were crazy early. After about 20 minutes I was called in by the nurse who started all of my pre surgery paperwork. I was in a room and changed into a hospital gown, robe, compression hose and non skid socks. While I was waiting for P to be brought up I was kept "entertained" by the insane couple curtained off next to me. I love listening to townies talk. Paul came up and we watched "Supernatural" until a CNA came up and brought me down to what seemed more like a closet than a prep area.

I was brought down into the what reminded me of a hospital basement. I immediately assumed that I was going to be brought down, hooked up to an i.v. and then left to die at the hands of a serial killer/homicidal ghost. Obviously, neither happened. Instead I had a great nurse talk to me about my health history, allergies, blah blah blah. The anesthesiologist was a  guy with a thick Chinese accent and a great sense of humor. That guy inserted that i.v. needle with a stealthiness I could really appreciate. I was asked by the nurse if I had been marked yet. Since this was my first foray into plastic surgery I had no idea what that meant so I said, "Marked? Like, marked by the Beast?" We had a good laugh but she checked the back of my head under my hair for good measure.

My doctor came in and began marking me. He asked if his Resident could watch. I told him I wasn't that kind of girl anymore but I figured it would be okay one last time. At that point I think my breasts had been looked at and/or touched by a dozen or so people so really, a medical resident who would be watching the surgery anyway watching my doctor coloring on me was not a big deal. After I was marked I was instructed to lay back down and I was wheeled into the OR. The nurses in there were all so sweet and funny. I still wasn't nervous at that point and one of the women commented on how nice it was that I was joking and laughing. The nurses put some compression boots on my legs so I wouldn't develop any blood clots. I was given some oxygen and then my i.v. started to kick in. Bye bye old saggy heavy breasts. Thanks for the good times. See you on the other side.

Car Accidents and Kittens

Car accidents happen. They seem to happen to me a lot when it snows. They seem to always happen when I am driving the truck to work on a Saturday. Snowstorms always seem to befuddle me and cause me to ignore the little voice in the back of my head that is screaming, "STAY HOME!!!  STAY HOME!!! STAY HOME!!!" So I bundle up and jump in the truck. I put it in four wheel drive and slide out of the driveway. The voice is more insistent now but I choose to ignore it because I will be out of work for quite a few weeks and I don't have the "luxury" of paid vacations and/or sick days. I have the "luxury" of being able to take the time off for surgery and not lose my job.

So here I am at home after my accident. I'm on the couch, sore as hell, tired, anxious, pissed off. I am procrastinating calling the insurance agent so I can make a claim. That is a whole lot of crap I don't feel like dealing with. I would love to be getting ready for work and my car wasn't all busted up and my neck wasn't all jacked up. I would love to be getting in some extra workouts so I could be going into my surgery Friday in optimal shape.  I hate to whine, I really do. Being negative and complaining takes up so much more energy than I care to expend.

So I am going to turn this around. I am taking that negative energy and pushing it away. I want it to dissipate out into the universe. I am going to sit here and breathe and set a positive intention for the day. If I can't psychically be in amazing shape, at least mentally I can be in a better, more balanced, place. If breathing doesn't help maybe these cute pictures of kittens will. xo

What Rhymes With Anxious?

My surgery is just about a week away. While I am very excited to have the procedure done, I am becoming increasingly anxious. I keep thinking about the fact that I won't be able to work out for about 6 weeks, specifically, no yoga for about 6 weeks. Aside from the fact that yoga (in conjunction with coffee and zoloft 'natch) keep me sane, yoga keeps me limber and strong. Yoga keeps my weight low(ish).  Yoga helps to flush all the toxins out of my system and reminds me to stop and focus on the breath.  Yoga reminds me that I could, one day, be the complete person I want to be. And the fact that I won't be able to practice for such an extended amount of time is almost heartbreaking for me.

This impending absence in my life has lead to even more presurgery anxiety. And when I'm anxious, I eat. I am excellent at eating away my worries and sorrows. And of course, the foods I tend to binge on are probably the worst things for you.  Chocolate, pasta, pizza, cheese, fruit, pastry, cake, ice cream. The last few days alone have been spent consuming my weight in things that could easily double that weight if I continue down this delicious path. I'm in panic mode. I am terrified of putting on a ton of weight and losing all of my muscle tone. I'm worried that I won't be able to get back into shape after I return to working out. These fears have taken a back seat to the fear of the pain, possible infections, the fact that I will look and very much feel differently about myself. But I can easily complain about not working out because that is tangible. And  as superficial as it may be, it is easily  understood.

Most people don't like to talk about the messy stuff (feelings) and I just want to put on a brave face for my husband and children. So I just stuff those feelings down with scones which will lead to me stuffing my fat ass into my soon to be too small jeans.  But I will have a great new rack, and that's pretty good, right?

Youtube? Don't you mean Boobtube!?

This is the second post in a series regarding my upcoming breast reduction surgery, which I am slightly obsessed with. When I called to make my initial consultation hadn't planned on being seen the following day. Because of the short notice, Paul was unable to come to my consultation with me. Because of this, I decided to search the internet, specifically youtube, for some visual aides. I found a ton of videos regarding breast reduction surgery from start (consults) to finish (the final unveiling) and I managed to find one that not only had a delightful British surgeon but was only about 4 minutes long. Paulie was pretty horrified by the whole thing. I had a very hard time watching some of these videos knowing that the woman on the table would soon be me. So this is for anyone who may be interested in getting this done yourself or for the morbidly curious. I want to warn everyone right now, this is NOT safe for viewing at work. It is also inappropriate for children and the squimish. xo tmfv


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GrumbleGrumbleGrumble

     I'm sick you guys. Like sore throat, cough, headache, all around feeling yucky sick.  And I think I may be coming down with an ear infection. Or maybe strep. Possibly even the typhoid. I feel like someone put my head in a vise and that asshole keeps squeezing even though I asked nicely. I totally used my good manners but they won't stop. I know that you guys really don't care that I am under the weather. You're all like, yeah, so? We've all been unwell at one time or another but you don't see us blogging about it. Well, that's probably because I have a blog and you don't.
     But seriously, this is cold and flu season. So just make sure you all cough in your sleeves, wash your hands and if you are sick, stay home. No one wants your germs. Stay away from babies and the elderly. And someone bring me some goddamn soup.