I have large breasts. I have had big ones since I was about 12. As soon as puberty hit and all the natural changes started happening I sprouted a set of breasts that embarrassed me, made me insecure, made me unhappy with my body. I wasn't the only one to notice the new editions to my newly pubescent body. Attention was coming from all sides; boys in school, adult men, flatter chested girls in my classes. I hated them. I hated the attention. I pretended it didn't bother me. I walked with a slouch. As I got older I learned what an "asset" they could be. I started to like the attention I would get from the boys in school and later, men in college/bars/clubs. I showed them off, flaunted them. Years later, I would love them for another reason. They provided nurtition and comfort to my newborns. By that time I was sporting a bra sized 40E. After I weaned the babes, they shrunk down to a "tiny" 36DDD.
They are saggy. They are covered in stretch marks and "Lefty" has a scar from a surgery I had when I was 21. They have been ultrsounded, mammogrammed, poked and prodded. They get in the way when I do yoga. Forget any kind of cardio. They flop around like two large tunas pulled from the ocean, gasping for air only to find none. I have thought about breast reduction surgery for quite a few years. I always thought I would wait until I was 40. Now, a few months shy of 35, I have decided I can no longer wait. My back kills, I have chronic neck and shoulder pains. I have daily headaches. My shoulders have deep gouge marks where my bra straps dig deeper into the skin by the day. The skin on my back is constantly chafed.
Aside from the physical pain, I can't find any shirts that fit properly. I have to buy bigger shirts so they will fit across my chest but they don't fit properly on my narrow shoulders. Button downs are a joke. Anything that has a slightly tighter fit looks positively pornographic.
Now I know some of you less well endowed ladies are probably rolling your eyes and sarastically muttering, "Oh poor you." and that is fine. This is my thing, my own personal hangup. The thing that I hate about my body. The thing I have to deal with in every aspect of my life. The thing that makes dressing difficult (and we all know how much I love my fashion), yoga postions uncomfortable, running impossible. I am going to chronicle my experience with my breast reduction surgery. I already had my consult and that went well. I like my surgeon. And while I am very excited, I will admit that I am scared silly. Surgery isn't something to take lightly. Pain and I are don't like to hang out much but I am intrigued to see how I react to my new physical self. A body that will be so different from the one I've had for the last (almost) 35 years.
