Here I Am, Alone Again.

     I put my son on the bus this morning.  Today is his first day of kindergarten. He woke a little anxious, a little nervous. Whatever feelings of uncertainty he had, they were mildly overshadowed by his excitement. He has been waiting for this day for a few years now, always envious of his older sister as she climbed the steps of the school bus. And me? Well, honestly, I am shitting my pants.
     My son is on an IEP, which stands for Individualized Education Plan. He is super smart, a very sweet and affecionate kid. He is very empathetic to others around him. He's helpful and wants to learn. You'll never meet a more independant six year old. He's all of these wonderful things and more...until he isn't. My son has some rage issues. He's stubborn and can be very vindicitve and confrontational. Sitting still is not an option for him. Large crowds and loud noises freak him out to the point where he becomes unconsolably hysterical. He has been diagnosed with ADHD with ODD (which is Oppositional Definacy Disorder). He takes an ADHD medication daily that find does little to nothing for him.  School is hard for him because of it. PreK was, at times, an absolute horror show for him, his teachers, his classmates and his dear old mom and dad. We've had him evaluated by several people. He sees a therapist weekly. I sometimes feel like a lot of this is major overkill. He's six years old. He's a boy. Won't he just grow out of this behaivor? I feel like I have more questions than answers.
      His Kindergarten Orientation was yesterday and we visited his classroom, caught up with his teacher and got a glimpse of the other students that would sharing his classroom.Half of the class is on the autism spectrum. The other half has major disorders like PTSD (yes, the CHILDREN) or majorly extreme cases of ADHD and other conditions with acronyms that I have never heard of. He isn't like those other kids, I kept hearing myself say internally. He's smart and completely undamaged. My son lives in a stable and loving two parent home. He has never been hurt or abused. He has every thing he could ever need or want, borderlining being spoiled. These other kids, THEY are damaged. They need this special classroom. They need constant supervision and heavy doses of medication. Not my son. Not MY son.
     It's hard for parents to see the flaws in their children. I am entirely aware of my sons faults as well as the things that make him the amazing and awesome kid he is. It's just that the bad behaviour is so much more noticable than the good. I know he needs to be in this classroom. I know it will set him up for success. I know that, at this stage of the game, he needs the guidance. I just don't want to admit that he needs it so much.