FrankenBoobs

I just got home from my post op appointment. It has been a week and 5 days since the surgery. I was really getting annoyed with the dressings. The incisions were closed up with stitches, glue and surgi strips. The incisions were made in an anchor formation. (If you have read any previous posts, you may have seen the short video I posted. The technique used in that video is the same as my surgeon used.) The dressings on the underside of each breast was becoming annoyingly itchy. I couldn't wait to have my doctor remove them and then I could really get a good view of how I thought they would ultimately look.

The removal of the dressings was a relief but also a bit painful. My doctor told me that they looked great and that over time they would drop a bit, fill in and look beautiful and natural. Also, I have very cystic breasts and I can't feel any of the usual bumps and lumps. My doctor agreed that, yes, I do indeed have very cystic breasts and the best thing to do is just continue doing what I normally do to keep an eye on them. We put some gauze on the incisions as they may ooze a little and that is completely normal. I put my surgical bra back on and scheduled my next appointment. I didn't look at them in the office because I wanted to work my way through the maze of the hospital and get home  as the hospital is just about an hour away.

When I got home I was able to take a good look at them, my husband as well. They look weird. The nipples look fake and the skin there is super dry. There was more cutting up along the sides of each breast than I had anticipated. My husband said they look fake, like someone stuck them on my chest and they do. I am very intrigued to see how much the scars actually do fade and how they will look in a few weeks time.

So for now I am still forbidden to lift any heavy objects and I must take it easy. No yoga until at least 6 weeks post op. I can do some walking either outdoors or on the treadmill but absolutely no running. Considering how sore they are I am totally fine with these restrictions.  I am so impatient, I want everything done yesterday, so this has been really difficult for me because I just want to be done convalescing. However, I am very happy that I decided to take three weeks off. I am going to to take it very easy for the rest of this week and then hopefully by Sunday I will be doing some kind of fitness routine. Also, Monday (February 13th) is my birthday and I plan on eating a big delicious meal and enjoying cake.

My next appointment with the good doctor is March 7th. If I note anything interesting/painful/weird/amazing about them I will most definitely post something but for now we will assume that no news is good news!

One Week In...

So after a week of rest, LOTS of napping, some dizzy/nausea attacks from not eating enough, some pain in the breast/armpit area and the worst constipation I have ever had, I am happy to report the worst (hopefully) is over. So now that you know how my body reacted to the surgery let's talk about the subject at hand, my fancy little new breasts.

They are TINY. And when I say tiny, I mean tiny for me. As a friend put it to me this morning, a C cup is nothing to complain about it. I am definitely not complaining about them because I do like them. I can't stop looking at them. I find that I am having a hard time keeping my hands off of them, and for a few reasons. Holy crap they are itchy. Like so itchy that I can't think of much else except how I would love to dig my nails into the skin and rake them back and forth in an absolute fit of ecstasy. The nipples have not only NOT lost any sensation but I swear to your higher power of choice, they have MORE feeling. And the breasts felt hard for awhile, almost like a  bad implant, but they are beginning to soften up. And no, there is nothing in there except what my momma gave me. The most sensitive spot is still where the drainage tubes were but that is feeling much better as well. I have been able to sleep on my side more. Also, when I do (rarely) sleep on my back I usually have my arms raised up over my head. I woke like that this morning and I wasn't in pain. 

The bruising has faded and some of the surgi strips are coming loose. After my post op visit next week and the dressings from the drainage tubes are changed or removed, I'm sure they will be looking good. But most importantly, they have made me feel good and that is really what this is all about.

Phase Two

Surgery was about three hours. I was asking P about my recovery because there is not a lot I remember about that two and a half/three hour period. I was in and out and I hate that feeling. There is nothing worse to me than trying to be in control and there is something getting in the way of that. That's one of the reasons why I won't get drunk anymore. Anyway,  I was laying in recovery, floating in and out of consciouness. P said he wasn't allowed to see me there so he hung around and waited until I was in my room. P also said I was awake when he came to visit me in my room. I don't really recall that either. It was all blurry. I remember being super hungry and very, very nausous. My first nurse of the night, who was so amazing and kind, got me a pukie bag and chicken soup. I think she brought me ginger ale and crackers before that, but again, it's all kind of blurry. The sip of soup and gingerale/crackers combo didn't agree with me at all and it came right up. This is nothing new for me. Every time I get anesthia I throw up. I decided to try and sleep and slept until about 10:30. I turned on the tv to see if I could see the score to the Celtics game, had some dry toast and slept. I was woken by the night nurse around midnight for my vitals. It was a long sleepless night. I threw up one more time and had the loudest talker (shockingly louder than me!) down the hall and I was also in some pain. The next morning I actually pounded my breakfast of bacon and eggs and coffee, blessed blessed heavenly sent from your higher power of choice COFFEE.

I thought that I may have had to go home with my drainage tubes. Drainage tubes, you say? Oh yes. Long skiny tubes that were wound up inside my new tiny ladies and were attached to a bulb of some kind. The night nurse drained them once. Two doctors came in and checked the output level and decided to take them out. I have had a catheter before when I had the kids so I thought it would feel similar to that sensation and it did. It burned a little. The strangest sensation was that I could feel them moving inside the breast as they were being pulled out. The doctors dressed them and that was it. The spots where the tubes were are actually the most sensitive part of the whole breast. I was seen by a couple more doctors, my plastic surgeon included, and was allowed to go home before noon. My doctor informed me that I needed to be wearing my surgical bra at all times (except, obviously, when I was showering). I was sent home with a prescription for percosets and one for an antibotic. I was taken down to the entrance in a wheel chair but when I saw P pull the car up I walked out on my own two legs. I felt a little weak and cold but other than that I was fine. I got car sick (no throwing) on the way home but I get car sick 99% of the time I am in a car and not driving.

The kids greeted me tentatively at the door. I went right up to bed and slept for while. I could have taken a shower but I felt crappy and just wanted to sleep. The first night home was rough. You need to sleep propped up and I am a side/belly sleeper. I was up every four hours like clockwork. I took a percoset every time I was up and that helped. Sunday morning I ate a very light breakfast. Even though I was hungry I had zero appetite. I had a shower, so happy to shave my armpits and wash my hair. It wasn't painful to lift my arms, something that I had anticipated, and was pleasantly surprised when it didn't happen. I rested all day and the kids were great about being gentle. I didn't take any more of the percs during the day. I managed the pain with Extra Strength Tylenol. I did take one Sunday night to sleep.

Monday was more resting and another shower. I didn't bother washing my hair. I still hadn't had a bowel movement and I was becoming increasingly anxious. I was farting an obnoxious amount. After I had the Little Man it took me quite a few days to go and when I finally did, it was worse than child birth. The amount of apple sauce, fruit, dried apicots, stool softener, water I consumed was disturbing. My stomach was as hard as a rock and it certainly wasn't my abs of steel. Monday night was an uncomfortable sleeping night but I wasn't about to take another perc because I was determined to poop. After a restless night and a lot of hard work, we had splash down Tuesday morning.

Uncomfortable doesn't cover how it felt. I was farting all day and had some major stomach cramps. After dinner I spent the next hour and a half in PAIN and trying to go again. I was in tears at one point and my son was in the bathroom with me rubbing my back. Pooping in our house is a family affair. I went to bed, the kids snuggled as gently as possible, and we read stories. I went to bed and woke on my side.

So this brings us to today. I woke up with some pain in my right armpit. I took off the sports bra and let the girls air out a little. I took a shower, shaved, washed and dried my hair. I feel like a whole new gal! I have been taking it super easy today. The tender spot is no longer sore. I took some Tylenol at 9 am and it is past two now.  The most sore areas are still where the drainage tubes were. I have complete feeling on every part of the breast. The surgi strips and dressings are still in place. I have a follow up with my surgeon on the 8th.

It is very strange for me to see myself with these little breasts. They are cute. They don't rest on my belly or flop into my armpits. Any back/neck/shoulder pain I used to have is gone. The straps on the surgical bra aren't digging into the skin on my shoulders. I went from having a left breast clocking in around an E cup and a right one coming in at a DDD to a perky C cup. I can't wait to see them after they have healed up. I am beyond thrilled that I can go BRALESS this summer. I can wear the tank tops with the built in bras and that's it. I can wear my cute summer dresses with the tiny straps and not have my giant bra straps showing. I can wear halters and backless dresses and not be in pain anymore.

I am feeling pretty good but I am determined to take it easy. I have a history of taking on more than I can and should do. I want to be able to go back to work feeling good. I want to heal so I can go back to being a mom and back to be being a (slighter hotter) wife. I am hoping to be able to start working out again sometime next week. Oh, and for those who may be wondering, I went into surgery at 149 lbs. I weighted myself after the initial big poop and I am down to 146 lbs.

What Rhymes With Anxious?

My surgery is just about a week away. While I am very excited to have the procedure done, I am becoming increasingly anxious. I keep thinking about the fact that I won't be able to work out for about 6 weeks, specifically, no yoga for about 6 weeks. Aside from the fact that yoga (in conjunction with coffee and zoloft 'natch) keep me sane, yoga keeps me limber and strong. Yoga keeps my weight low(ish).  Yoga helps to flush all the toxins out of my system and reminds me to stop and focus on the breath.  Yoga reminds me that I could, one day, be the complete person I want to be. And the fact that I won't be able to practice for such an extended amount of time is almost heartbreaking for me.

This impending absence in my life has lead to even more presurgery anxiety. And when I'm anxious, I eat. I am excellent at eating away my worries and sorrows. And of course, the foods I tend to binge on are probably the worst things for you.  Chocolate, pasta, pizza, cheese, fruit, pastry, cake, ice cream. The last few days alone have been spent consuming my weight in things that could easily double that weight if I continue down this delicious path. I'm in panic mode. I am terrified of putting on a ton of weight and losing all of my muscle tone. I'm worried that I won't be able to get back into shape after I return to working out. These fears have taken a back seat to the fear of the pain, possible infections, the fact that I will look and very much feel differently about myself. But I can easily complain about not working out because that is tangible. And  as superficial as it may be, it is easily  understood.

Most people don't like to talk about the messy stuff (feelings) and I just want to put on a brave face for my husband and children. So I just stuff those feelings down with scones which will lead to me stuffing my fat ass into my soon to be too small jeans.  But I will have a great new rack, and that's pretty good, right?